On Dec. 1st, I submitted my poem, Everything I Wish I Told You, to the publication Written From The Heart on Medium and as of yesterday it was approved and published! When I saw what happened I was in a bit of shock, thinking, “woah that happened?” I shouldn’t be surprised—because it’s a small publication and I expected to get in—and even though I was fairly certain of the results, I was still surprised.
Which is weird, because in my mind it had already happened, but at the same time not really. Because in those two days of waiting and wondering what’s gonna happen, doubt kicked in (as it always does). But anyways.
I feel like we are somehow hurting inside but none of us truly want to tell other people how we really feel. I wanted to break that ice.
I originally drafted the poem as a message to one of my best friends on Aug. 10th. I was having a rough day and needed to express how I was really feeling to someone. I don’t do that very often, especially at a low. I called it: The Book of Truth: Everything I Wish I Told You But Wouldn’t Couldn’t Shouldn’t.
And it was exactly that—a list of thoughts I’d been having and constantly thinking about that I so desperately needed to get out. How I sometimes hate being asked, “how are you?” because the answer I give is a flakey “good, thanks,” but never the answer that is true because oh let’s just move on shall we. Or how food can so delicious and so tasteless simultaneously. Stuff like that.
I ended it by saying: “There are 100,000 other things I wouldn’t, couldn’t, and (probably) shouldn’t tell you. I am scared to death to tell you all this, but I know my flaws are what make me human.”
It felt like I just dropped a bomb.
An emotional bomb.
Made of words.
On bad days, we feel like losers. Like the entire world is caving in on you. So let it.
But don’t dwell in your misery forever. Remember, you still have a choice. You can feel bad for yourself (which is a totally viable option depending on your situation; sometimes we just need to be sad) or you can take the necessary steps to make yourself feel better.
Workout. Go for a run. Punch a pillow. Write in a journal. Call a friend. Tell someone. Go for a walk. Listen to some music—zoning out to Fight Song by Rachel Platten and Brave by Sara Bareilles on repeat is actually what helped lift my mood up on that particular day, so I highly recommend. You do you.